Siman 184, Seif 10:
Someone planning a trip must attend to his wife even during the onas vesses (and even intercourse is permitted. (Tur quoting Yesh Omrim and quoting Rashi, Ra’avad and R. Yerucham) In any event, someone who can appease his wife's needs verbally should be blessed. (BY quoting S’mag ) We have already explained that the only prohibition during the time of Vesses is intercourse, and not other expressions of affection. If he is going to perform a mitzvah, he does not need attend to her. (Magid Mishnah Ch.4 Laws of Forbidden Relations, and HaGahos Sha’arei Dora) If she will be immersing within an onah of his planned departure, he must delay his trip.)(Nimokei Yosef in HaBa Al Yevimto)
What is permitted?
Based on various understandings of the Gemara in Yevamos
62b, there are different views as to what is permitted when a man is going
on a trip. Most of the Rishonim maintain that she is permitted to have
intercourse if she wishes. This is based
on the halachic assumption that separation during the onah is a
rabbinic prohibition, while fulfilling one's wife's sexual needs is a Torah
based law and therefore overrides the rabbinic prohibition.[1] Rabeinu Tam is one of the few who maintains
that intercourse is not permitted and that the Gemara is referring
to "other expressions of affection."[2]
There is a view that the separation during the onah is d'oraissa[3]. Therefore, according to this view, the prohibition of relations at that time overrides the affirmative commandment and intercourse, kissing and hugging are all prohibited.
The underlying rationale for the prohibition is that our case is identical with the that of a mourner during Shiva. He is prohibited from hugging and kissing his wife because it might lead to intercourse, which is forbidden during that time.[4] The counter-argument is that in the case of a mourner it is the very act of intercourse that is prohibited, in ours we are one step farther removed. That is, kissing and hugging is prohibited because it can lead to intercourse – and intercourse is prohibited during this onah - because of fear of niddah. If she is not a niddah, then any intercourse itself is not in and of itself a prohibited act. It seems to me that the counter-argument only works if one holds that vestos and onos are rabbinic. If one holds them to be d'oraissa, then the last step of “distancing” is removed and the case is in fact, equivalent to that of the mourner.
Thus it appears that we can ignore this view because of the underlying argument of vestos d'rabbanan or vestos d'oraissa. Since we hold the former, then the counterargument noted above works.
The Chochmas Adam holds that intercourse is permitted.[5] Another view is that it is permitted only before the expected hour of her vesses but not after.[6] Yet a third view is that intercourse is permitted through the entire onah except for a half hour prior to and subsequent to the expected time of her vesses (“sh’as vesses”). This opinion is based on the generally accepted view that separation during the actual hour of the vesses is in fact a Torah based law.
As a practical matter, women today generally do not have a fixed hour when their menstruation begins, but rather a wide range of variance within the onah. Therefore, the entire onah needs to be considered as sh’as vesses; since we hold that the prohibition of intercourse in sh’as vesses is Torah based, intercourse is prohibited for the entire onah.[7] It seems to me that this functionally renders this halacha irrelevant.
A Trip
There are a couple of different views on the definition of "a
trip". R. Yaakov Emden holds that
these laws apply only if the expected return date of the husband is after the
next time she would have a right to demand intercourse.[8] Therefore, an overnight trip to
Another view is that any trip of 12 mil or more would qualify. The objection to this is that source for 12 mil was not for defining a trip, but rather is the distance that if someone travels by foot exempts him from intercourse.[9] Thus, the governing Halacha is based on the view of R. Emden.
Other matters
Even those who are have adopted the onah of the Ohr Zarua are
lenient during that period.[10] In fact, it appears that intercourse might be
required at that time if the wife elects to.[11]
A husband is not permitted to go on a trip without the knowledge of his wife.[12]
A woman's traveling does not trigger these laws.[13]
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