Siman 185 Seif 4
If a man is having relations with a pure woman and she tells him during intercourse that she has become impure, if he pulls out of her immediately he will be chayav kareis, since he experiences pleasure from withdrawal similar to that of orgasm. What he should do is dig his toenails into the ground until he becomes flaccid, not move at all and then withdraw with a soft organ. And he should be filled with fear and panic about the sin that has come to him. (BY quoting Smag) He must not rest on her but rather on his hands and legs so that he should enjoy no more pleasure from her. If a man happened to withdraw erect by accident, not knowing that this was improper, he should fast 40 days. These do not have to be consecutive, but can do something like 2 days a week, Monday and Thursday. On the evening of the fast he is forbidden to eat meat or drink wine. Anyone who is unable to fast should give money on each day to tzedakah according to his means - i.e. a rich man should give more than a poor man - and one should be stringent in one's atonement and he who performs more acts of repentance is deemed to be meritorious. (Piskei Maharil S. 60) The woman however, does not require atonement. If they had intercourse at a time other than her vesses and they found blood, even if it is on his cloth and even if she did not check prior to intercourse, neither of them requires atonement. (Mordecai and Rosh Klal 29 quoting Maharam)
Do What?
The fact that neither of the two major commentaries on the Shulchan Aruch makes any comments on this law is probably an indication of the frequency this type of case arises. However, there are enough related concepts and side issues to warrant some explanation.
That both the Shulchan Aruch and the Rama carry on about this possibility in detail should demonstrate to us the severity of a woman becoming impure d’oraissa because of a hargasha. Incidentally, in what should otherwise be obvious, the Gilyon Maharsha points out that this law does not apply in the case of virginal blood (dam b'sulim) [1]. The act of separating from a woman is considered the same as the act of engaging with her in intercourse and applies to all of the various prohibited relationships.[2]
Apparently, the feeling of hargasha is not dissimilar to that of certain sensations during intercourse. If the woman is completely certain that the sensation she experienced is a hargasha, there is no question that the Halacha regarding flaccidness applies. While there is at least one contemporary view that this regulation applies even if she is uncertain about the hargasha[3], others hold that she needs to be certain.[4] It seems to me that it would be best to be strict in this matter, but if one were to separate while erect, one should not have to fast.
If it is impossible for the man to support himself on his toes and hands without leaning on his wife, he is permitted to do so, since the prohibition of physical contact, while a Torah law, is not punishable by kareis and would be considered as having touched her by accident.[5]
If a woman feels a hargasha during intercourse and neglects to tell her husband, not only is he considered to have done nothing wrong, she too does not bear responsibility. This case is considered equivalent to a case of involuntary intercourse where there is a concept of “tchila b’ones v’sofa b’ratzon”.[6],[7]
If in the middle of intercourse, the woman remembers that it is her onas vesses, there are those who say that he must also wait to become flaccid.[8] Others disagree and require immediate withdrawal.[9] If there is a high likelihood of ejaculation on withdrawal, he should complete intercourse rather than ejaculate outside of the woman.[10] Others hold that he must wait until the risk of ejaculation passes.[11] It seems to me that one can certainly be lenient during the Onah Ohr Zarua, but should follow the stricter view during onas vesses.
With respect to the 40 days of fasting, one can schedule them for the wintertime - there is no requirement that they be done immediately[12]. Additionally, a fast of 3 full consecutive days is the equivalent of 40 half-day fasts[13]. However, if one is required to fast because of the rabbinic prohibition of kesem, or staining, one can make do with 17 fasts.[14] If he withdraws deliberately, knowing that it is forbidden, he should fast for 62 days.[15]
Concerning abstaining from meat and wine during the evening of the fast, the Maharshal and the Toras Hashlamim argue about which evening the Halacha means. The first holds that the evening indicated is the evening after the fast and the latter replies that, since we all know that the day follows the night, this assertion of the Maharshal is somewhat heretical[16]. In practice, because of this dispute, the custom is to abstain from meat on both the evening before and the evening after.
The last part of the Seif is based on the distinction between something done “by accident” (b’ones) or “inadvertently” (b’shogeg – perhaps a better translation would be “through irresponsibility”). If someone does something b’ones, he does not require any atonement, while if he does it b’shogeg he does. The distinction is determined by whether the individual or the couple in this case, fulfilled their halachic obligations prior to the event. According to the Rama, since a woman is not required to perform any checks prior to intercourse, there is no irresponsibility present and therefore the couple is exempt from atonement. The Rambam, however, disagrees. He says that in order to achieve b’ones status one must have done everything possible beforehand, even if there is no halachic requirement to do so. Therefore, according to the Rambam, this particular case of the Rama would not be one in which our couple would be exempt from atonement, but rather would require something[17], probably along the lines of the fasting that the Rama describes here.
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