Siman 192

 

  1. If a woman is asked to be married and she accepts - she needs to wait (before has marriage) 7 days, even if at the time of the acceptance she performed a self-examination and found herself to be pure, lest she experience bleeding the size of a mustard seed due to her excitement and not be aware of it. She begins the count of seven days from the day after her acceptance.  She also does not need a hefsek tahara so that even if she did not check herself on the say of acceptance, she still begins counting 7 days from the next day.  In any event she needs to perform a self-examination during the 7 day period. The self-examination should be performed every day.  However, if she only checks once during the seven day period, that is sufficient.
     

  2. These 7 days are counted from the the time that she sets her mind and begins preparations for the wedding, even if she is not yet betrothed. One should try to schedule her immersion as close as possible to the time of her initial intercourse.  The custom is to immerse on Tuesday night even if she will not have her initial intercourse until Saturday night, but we do not separate the immersion from the act of intercourse any more than this.  If in this circumstance she does not have intercourse Saturday night, she should check herself daily until she does have intercourse.  This is the preferable way of acting, but if one does not check, there is no reason to be stringent, so long as she checked once during the 7 day period.  All grooms should ask their wives before they touch her whether she has observed the seven clean days.
     

  3. If the marriage is delayed for any reason, even if she has already observed the seven clean days, she needs to re-count them at the time the wedding is rescheduled even if she checked herself  daily during the intermediate days.
     

  4. If she married within the seven day period, or if she became a niddah just prior to intercourse, he may not remain a lone with her.  Rather, he sleeps among the men and she sleeps among the women. There are  those who say that if she was pure when she married and he had not had intercourse with her and then she became a niddah, there is no need for them to be separated.  The one who is strict about this will receive a blessing.  There is no distinction between a young man and a widower or a virgin and a widow.  There are those who say that they are forbidden to be alone during the day just as at night, however they do not require the double level of supervision required at night, meaning that either he stays among the men or she stays among the women.  If they are not sleeping in one room, they need no supervision at all.  There are also those who say that at night they require the double supervision and during the day they may be alone together.  The custom is to have a young boy stay with the groom and a young girl with the bride and not to be alone together during the day without one of the youngsters present.
     

  5. A woman who is remarrying a man who previously divorced her is also required to count seven days.

What's Going On - Before the Wedding
 The underlying concept in this Siman is the notion that when a woman gets engaged she experiences a level of excitement that could cause the discharge of blood.  This blood is called Dam Chimud (literally "blood of arousal") and is considered to have been discharged whether or not the woman experiences a hargasha

Taz (1) asserts that the Magid Mishnah on the Rambam (who is also the author of the Shulchan Aruch) states that the law of counting 7 clean days before the wedding is strictly Rabbinic and that at a Torah level the woman is pure (since she did not experience a hargasha).  Taz accepts the statement and derives that the proof of there being no Torah prohibition is proven by the stories of Tamar and Ruth.

In the story of Tamar and Yehuda, Tamar clearly did not wait seven days before intercourse with Yehuda.  Additionally, in the story of Ruth and Boaz, Ruth went to him on the very same night that she made the decision to marry him.  Therefore, it is clear that Dam Chimud is a rabbinic decree.  Taz does suggest a possible answer in that the immediacy of the intercourse prevented Dam Chimud.  I'm not exactly clear how this would work.  The Pischei Tshuvah suggests that the only time there is an expectation of possible bleeding is in connection with a formal marriage plan, but not for less formal arrangements.

Nevertheless, Shach(1) quoting the Maharshal, tells us that the modern custom is to require a hefsek tahara and daily checking during the 7 day period.  He does agree that if she checks only once during the 7 days she can still proceed.  Additionally, Shach (4) tells us that we no longer require the groom to inquire about the bride's status because her assistants will make him aware if there are any problems.

A related issue that was common in Europe but is no longer applicable is a case in which the bride has never seen the groom.  In this case we do not require a 7 day count from her first contact with him.  Perhaps the explanation of the Taz about the immediacy of the relations is what is guiding that halachic decision.

Additionally, at least one reason why there is a custom for the bride and groom not to see each other for the 7 days prior to the wedding is to assure that there is no late Dam Chimud that would pose a complication prior to the wedding.

Postponements
The Shulchan Aruch tells us that if there is any delay in the wedding, we suspect that there will be a new Dam Chimud at the point that it is rescheduled and therefore a woman needs to allow for  7 clean days from the point of the rescueduling.  The Poskim however clarify that this rule is not absolute and does not apply to all circumstances.

Taz (6) as well as other poskim analyze the various possibilities of causes of delay.  The most basic case is one in which the engagement is broken by mutual agreement and there are no plans to reschedule it.  In this circumstance, a subsequent rescheduling of the wedding constitutes a new engagement and a new possbility of dam chimud.  The case of the Shuchan Aruch is one in which both sides agree to a delay because of an unresolved issue and although they have not set a new date, they anticipate resolving whatever the open issues are.  In this event the woman is deemed either to have no longer paid close attention to her flows or to be an experience that is comparable to a new engagement, thus raising the possibility of a new dam chimud and a new count.  If there is a delay in the wedding to resolve issues and a new date has been set, or if there is a postponement because of illness or other unforeseen circumstance, since the woman has not given up hope of marriage, she does not need to recount 7 days.  If one side or the other walks away from the engagement, the halacha depends on which side walked away. Obviously, if she is the one who abandons the plan then she would need to recount.

The Sephardic custom is not to get married during the count of the 7 day dam chimud period.  Ashkenazic custom, as noted in Shach (8) is to not reschedule the if the woman is counting her 7 days at the scheduled time of chuppah.  Bdieved, the Sefardic custom is to accept the validity of the wedding.  The Rambam does hold that a wedding cannot take place while a woman is a niddah. 

In any event, both Ashkenazim and Sephardim need to have rules regulating a marriage that takes place while the woman is impure (for Ashkenazim) or is counting her 7 days (for both).  In this situation, as well as in the case when a woman becomes a niddah after the wedding but before intercourse, the halacha lays out rules to keep the couple apart until the goes to mikveh.  If the woman becomes niddah after they have had intercourse, there is no rule of separation.  For these purposes, the Chazon Ish considers penetration of any amount to be sufficient; other poskim disagree.
 

 

 

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