What's Going On - Serving the meal

Seif 10 describes to us the issues relating to serving one's husband during the niddah period.  It is here in order to advise us that all but 1 of the required services that a wife is responsible to render to her husband are not suspended during this time.  The Shulchan Aruch in Even HaEzer lists the responsibilities of a wife towards her husband and we will not study that at the moment.

In Talmudic times, wine was fermented in a concentrated form that required there to be dilution of the wine concentrate to make it drinkable.  "Mezigas HaKos" referred to here means the act of diluting the concentrate.  Shach 13 tells us that there is a view that the law here applies only to wine and not to other beverages.  Further, the halacha would apply if the wine is being poured into a cup that is specifically designated as his.  He concludes with a stricter opinion, that the law applies to all beverages.  This is generally the consensus among the poskim.

The poskim do argue if the prohibition applies to filling the cup or to placing it in front of him.  The Rama adds a clarifying clause that indicates that the prohibition related specifically to both of the acts, when done together.  The Shach however takes the position that either one of the actions is prohibited by itself.

Halacha recognizes this principle of refraining from serving in a manner that indicates affection as also applying to food.  While it is permitted for her to put food onto a serving plate and put that on the table for everyone to use, it would prohibited for her to specifically place food from that serving tray onto his plate.  (If all of the service is done with full plates from the kitchen as in restaurants, then so long as she does make a display of her serving him, there should be no problem). However, she would not be permitted to serve him food from a serving platter at the table as part of serving everyone else.

With respect to other drinks, the Shevet HaLevi that drinks like mixed beverages such as coffee with cream or soda water with flavoring are included in the prohibition, to the extent that she both mixes it and serves him.  He says that if all that she does is mixing, then there is no prohibition.

He continues and adds that beverages like water or soda water are not included in the prohibition, but that soft drinks and water with flavorings would be prohibited.

Making the Bed

The recorded halacha has undergone some modifications do to changes in the nature of bed clothing.  Rav Wozner indicates that the pillows of today are not as heavy and bulky as those of then, so fluffing the pillows would be included in the prohibition.  It would appear, though that putting on a heavy blanket or comforter such as those that we use in the winter time would be permitted.  On a practical level, it is probably best to refrain from making up any portion of the bed in the man's presence.

He also notes that there is a distinction between making up the bed in the morning and at night.  When she prepares the bed at night, it is specifically for his use and comfort for sleeping and is thus prohibited.  However, since he is not using the bed during the daytime and because making up the bed in the morning is done for cleaning the house, it would be permitted to engage in any of these activities at that time.  Additionally, putting pillow cases onto the pillows or a blanket cover onto the blanket are not included in the prohibition whatsoever, since those are considered to be preparations for making the bed and is not the actual act of making it up, a would be taking a blanket from a closet and simply putting it down on the bed. Changing the sheets is also not considered an "affectionate" activity.

It is permitted for her to set a meal table in his presence.  However, if she does any "pretty-fying" of the table or the house for his pleasure, then she should not to that in his presence.

Washing

The Shach (15) and Taz (8) argue about whether it is permitted for the woman to put water into a basin for her husband's use, with Shach coming down on the stricter side of things.  Contemporary poskim for the most part hold like the Shach and prohibit this kind of preparation.  The Badei HaShulchan, followed by most other modern poskim rules that any preparation for his bath that is done in his presence would be prohibited, such as bringing a towel or soap or turning on the faucet.  However, preparing water for him to wash his hands in the morning or before eating would be permitted, since this type of washing is for a mitzvah and is for the purpose of removing impurity.  Rav Wozner permits bringing a towel or soap or other bathing needs not specifically mentioned in the halacha.  He adds that a man can bring compresses to the bathing area for his wife if she requires them because of an injury.

This prohibition also applies to the husband doing preparatory work for his wife's shower or bath.

Kiddush

Based on Seif 13, it is prohibited for a husband to fill up his wife's cup with wine from his cup after kiddush or to pass her his half empty cup.  Rav Wozner notes that there is an active custom that he pour the wine into another cup and she take herself.  He does not encourage this custom and suggests that it might be acceptable for him to pour only a small amount of wine into her cup or fill up a very small cup for her.  He also suggests that the man fill up many cups for all of the guests without intention for any specific one of them to be for her.  In my view, this is probably the better solution. There are, however, poskim who disagree with this ruling. Alternatively, he can fill up the cups for everyone else and leave the cup for her to take by herself.

With respect to the Shulchan Aruch's leniency if the cup is being passed to others, it does not matter whether there are people drinking it before she does or if she is drinking it first and then passing it around.

When Do These Apply?

Although the Rama brings down a leniency regarding eating, the Taz, quoting his father-in-law the Bach, says that there is no basis for this custom and that one cannot be lenient in this area.

The language used in the Shulchan Aruch that I have translated as meaning "7 clean days" is literally "The days of her whiteness".  There is an argument about exactly what this phrase means.  According to the practical application of the law and modern poskim, the translation I have offered is correct.  Tosfos suggests that the phrase refers to a different set of days - in Talmudic times, the custom of considering all discharges as being those of the highest level of impurity came into being.  However, since a true Niddah according to Torah law is only impure for 7 days, counting the first day of menstruation, there was a custom for women to go to mikvah after 7 days and then a second time after the completion of the 7 clean days (obviously these times would overlap).  The time in between the two immersions, according to Tosfos, is what is referred to here as her "days of whiteness."

 

Back to Summary
Back one page
Forward one page
Have a question?